Election Blues

I haven't written in a while because it's been a pretty tough week here, both at home and work. It's been a pretty somber mood since last Tuesday's elections. I guess the good news is that I'm in good company here since Bush obtained only 16% of the vote here in San Francisco county. The only real surprise is that there were actually 41,000 people here who DID vote for him. It's very sad for our country. It's so easy retrospectively to look at what went wrong, but I think there are several main problems, the first of which is that "middle America" doesn't travel outside of the United States and don't completely understand the hatred that's brewing out there towards us. Not just in the middle east, but particularly in Europe, and those are the people who are supposed to be our allies. We are isolating ourselves in a way that is more dangerous than people realize. Throughout history every great empire has fallen and I'm very afraid that we are next. The whole world hates us, our own country is divided virtually in half over politics/religion, and 43% of our nations privately held debt is in the hands of foreign investors (a dangerous place to be). Our once great nation is stained with the blood of at least 14,238 Iraqi CIVILIANS Iraqbodycount.net. (BTW, for those that question how they arrived at that number: "This is an independent and comprehensive public database of media-reported civilian deaths in Iraq resulting directly from military action by the USA and its allies. This database includes up to 7,350 deaths which resulted from coalition military action during the "major-combat" phase prior to May 1st 2003. In the current occupation phase the database includes all deaths which the Occupying Authority has a binding responsibility to prevent under the Geneva Conventions and Hague Regulations. This includes civilian deaths resulting from the breakdown in law and order, and deaths due to inadequate health care or sanitation.").

I think it is more than a little bit ironic that Mr. Bush calls himself a "Christian" and won the election apparently because of the support of Christian groups. The world is a crazy place and, as you can see, all of this is making me very depressed. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that this devil that we have appointed as our leader is going to make our nation vulnerable to an attack that will make 9/11 look small, an attack that could threaten our very way of life. We think because we are Americans that we are infallible. We are not. China is a much larger nation than we are with a growing economy. Korea has nuclear weapons and despises us. I want to write a more detailed, organized essay about my feelings on all of this and about politics and religion. One good thing that all of this has done is stir up a lot of my feelings about faith. I have been praying a LOT. It gives me peace because the answers that come to me when I pray are so strong and so comforting. It is a time for action.

I have been reading Revelations in three different versions of the Bible. I know that Biblical scholars basically dismiss this chapter as it was written by someone who was a known lunatic (and the imagery in it certain supports that - it's so bizarre and dark) but there's so much there that resonates with me right now. I know that there have been many dark times in history, but this is the darkest of my lifetime so it's all I have to relate to. It terrifies me that Bush calls himself a Christian. It's not just that he started a war on a nation that was NO threat to us whatsoever, it's that he did it with RELISH. The passion, the gleam in his eyes when he talked about going to war with Iraq is beyond creepy. My 90-year-old Grandmother, who had been a Republican for her entire life, can't look at him on tv because she says there is something about him that is very very bad.

Emmett thinks that I'm going too far, that my post-election blues is making me a little bit crazy. That's part of why I'm trying to write all this down so that I can look back later and decide if I went a bit off my rocker. Maybe saying that Bush is evil is going a bit far. Emmett believes he is just misguided by the people around him. But it did spark an AWESOME conversation about religion tonight with Emmett and I. So often I forget how knowledgeable he is about Christianity and the Bible. I forget that he has 11 years of Christian education, including 4 years of private Catholic boys high school and 4 years of private Catholic university. People in my life before used to dismiss anything I said about my faith because I didn't have the education to back it up. But now talking with Emmett about these things, who has such a strong knowledge base, I felt validated for the first time. I'm saving elaborating on all of that for my later essay on politics and religion, but suffice to say, it felt really good. I feel much more confident that I WILL be able to write about my thoughts on the subject and not come off as a complete idiot. It is not only possible to be a liberal democrat and be a Christian, it is, in many ways, a clear path. I was able to ask him questions and right away he knew the answers and also knew where to go in the Bible to read the answers to me when he didn't want to paraphrase. His memory is incredible. Combined with all of the education he has had and all the reading he does now, he's just so knowledgeable. He is truly brilliant. And so good. He can be so crusty at times, but his heart is pure gold. I sound like a lovesick schoolgirl, haha. I guess it just strikes me sometimes how fortunate I am to have him in my life.

Speaking of which, now that his LSAT scores have been officially posted, the solicitations from the law schools have started rolling in. He actually got an invitation to apply to Columbia. In fact, they were so interested in getting him to apply that they waived all of the application fees. He's convinced he won't get in because his undergraduate grade point average isn't high enough to get into one of the best law schools in the country (#4 after Yale, Harvard, and Stanford), but I told him it's crazy NOT to apply when it's completely free! If he doesn't get in we haven't lost anything and if by some chance he does, he will be able to write his own ticket when he gets out of law school. It would be so wonderful to see all of that intelligence put to work doing good things for people. I know that for the short term he will have to practice icky corporate law so that we can get ahead financially, but eventually I want to see him doing what he really wants to do practicing environmental law and protecting the earth. He's going to be such an awesome attorney - his mind is so quick and he's an eloquent speaker. I've always been a pretty good fighter, so it stuns me how fast he can best me in an argument sometimes. I can't wait to see all the good things he is going to do.

Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do with my own potential. Arrrgh. I want to try to start my own business again, but I still haven't figured out what I want to do, my mind is just blank on ideas right now. On the other hand, if I can get through nursing school I would really love (after my child or children are grown up) to be part of medical teams going to developing countries and providing care in places where they have no access to healthcare. I think that is the perfect combination of my love for travel and my need to help others and do charitable work. I miss my volunteer work as a crisis counselor. They have been calling me, but I'm just not confident that my car would make it all the way to San Jose and back right now. Besides which, I'm just too short on time at the moment. Still - I may call them and volunteer to take some shifts if they will let me do them from home.

I'd like to write some about Tommy, but I think I'll post that separately. It doesn't seem to go along with most of the theme of this post. My mind keeps coming back to the war and the election.

I found a web site that had some of my favorite Clancy Brothers music and was really excited to be able to download it. I was listening to the song "Willie McBride" which is also known as "No Man's Land" or "Green Fields of France". It's such a sad song. I'm reprinting the lyrics here because it resonates so much with me. The lyrics alone are powerful enough, but when it's coupled with this mournful pipe music and that lilting Irish voice - well, I usually have tears pouring down my face before the second verse and it's definitely the last two verses that pack the biggest punch.

NO MAN'S LAND(Eric Bogle)

Well, how do you do, Private William McBride,
Do you mind if I sit down here by your graveside?
And rest for awhile in the warm summer sun,
I've been walking all day, and I'm nearly done.
And I see by your gravestone you were only 19
When you joined the glorious fallen in 1916,
Well, I hope you died quick and I hope you died clean
Or, Willie McBride, was it slow and obscene?

chorus: Did they Beat the drum slowly,
did they play the pipes lowly?
Did the rifles fire o'er you as they lowered you down?
Did the bugles sound The Last Post in chorus?
Did the pipes play the Flowers of the Forest?

And did you leave a wife or a sweetheart behind
In some loyal heart is your memory enshrined?
And, though you died back in 1916,
To that loyal heart are you always 19?
Or are you a stranger without even a name,
Forever enshrined behind some glass pane,
In an old photograph, torn and tattered and stained,
And fading to yellow in a brown leather frame?

The sun's shining down on these green fields of France;
The warm wind blows gently, and the red poppies dance.
The trenches have vanished long under the plow;
No gas and no barbed wire, no guns firing now.
But here in this graveyard that's still No Man's Land
The countless white crosses in mute witness stand
To man's blind indifference to his fellow man.
And a whole generation who were butchered and damned.

And I can't help but wonder, now Willie McBride,
Do all those who lie here know why they died?
Did you really believe them when they told you "The Cause?"
Did you really believe that this war would end wars?
Well the suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the shame
The killing, the dying, it was all done in vain,
For Willie McBride, it all happened again,
And again, and again, and again, and again...

Copyright Larrikin Music, Ltd.

To hear a snippet of the song : http://www.emusic.com/album/10587/10587028.html

Well, I guess that's enough for now. I have so much to say that I hardly know where to start and stop, but I think that's enough for now.

II pray that Christian people will look to the teachings of Jesus and pratice more giving, more forgiving, more loving. I pray for a day when Christianity is practiced in the way that reflects the things that Jesus taught us. There is so much out there right now that is being called Christian that is twisted. It is vengeful and destructive. Forgive me when I fall down and make judgements on others, when I am greedy, when I am angry, when I am proud. Help me to be the best person that I can be and the best Mother that I can be to lead Thomas on a path of goodness and gentleness. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.


Love,
Melissa