Decisions made - weekend recap

Well, I'm still off track where writing in the blog is concerned. That's one of the things that is just so frustrating when it comes to my irregular work schedule. It makes it so hard for me to maintain a daily routine. Just when I think I've gotten to the point where I can fit most things in at certain times, the schedule changes all over again. When I work nights I'm too tired to write in the mornings but rarely seem to make time in the afternoons before the boys get home and writing when we are all home is out of the question because I refuse to take time away from Emmett and Thomas for sitting in front of my computer.

Last weekend was just okay. Disappointing since it was a rare weekend where I am off and we have an opportunity to spend a lot of time together. Additionally the weather was so nice that I was hoping we were going to really make the best of it. Unfortunately, it seems whenever we have these opportunities they always get spoiled by relationship conversations that I insist on having and Emmett insists on avoiding. Anyway, it was more of that this weekend which was really too bad. The good news is that this particular relationship conversation was at least productive and is the first one that actually showed some yield on Emmetts part, which is very exciting, although I admit it took me a while to see it that way. Emmett has committed to trying to have two more children, if I will wait until he finishes law school. It's really hard for me to wait for 4 more years to have more children, but I'm willing to do it if it means that I have a definite commitment from him. I did a lot of crying because I'm very scared that somehow things won't work out and there I'll be, 36 or 37 years old. Also, it means my parents will be that much older, which is sort of scary. And, of course, my grandmothers. But, on the other hand, I do think that Emmett is right and that we should wait until we are in a more financially stable position before we bring any more children into the world. So I choose to wait and accept the potential consequences of that decision. Part of me also feels so petty and selfish for being so upset about this whole thing. There are so many women that I know that are either in or creeeping up on their mid thirties with NO children and trying to figure out how to have a family and here I am bitching because my family isn't big enough. It just comes from my own awareness of how compromised I was (in some ways) being an only child. I really wanted Thomas to have a sibling close enough in age so that they would grow up together. But I think that Thomas will make a wonderful big brother someday to any other children and will hopefully be a big help to his Mom and Dad when they are getting overwhelmed with the new babies :-). Now that I'm past the hard part, I'm really excited to have this commitment from Emmett to expanding our family and I'm SO excited to get Emmett into law school!!

Emmett is going to start applying to law schools in the winter. He'll take the LSAT October 2, and that will tell us a lot about which law schools he'll qualify for. Right now it looks like he will have to go to school at night (4 nights per week) and work all day. It will be brutal and I'm not sure how we're going to work that out with my work schedule, but we'll figure it out. I think both of us are sort of keeping our fingers crossed that maybe he will be able to take out enough student loans that he might not have to work full time. That's also a scary prospect, though, because tuition alone is about $75K for those 3 years and that's a huge debt to be carrying around. Although if you consider that he will probably add that much to his annual income at least initially, it will probably balance out okay. We'll see and I'll, of course, keep everyone posted.

So besides dealing with that all weekend, we did have a little bit of fun. Friday was pretty much shot by the whole conversation process and my being so upset about this decision not to have anymore children for the moment. I never did get out and enjoy the first great weather that we have had in a while. I did try in the afternoon to get out, but by the time I got Thomas ready and got myself ready, Emmett was due home and so we waited for him. But then he and I kind of got into it and he ended up taking Tommy to the park while I stayed home and felt sorry for myself.

Saturday we all rallied. I got to sleep in until about 9:45. I cannot REMEMBER the last time I have slept that late. I'm almost always up before 8am these days. I was shocked to wake up and realize it was that late. We had to move pretty quick to get breakfast, get Tommy up and then get out of the house to enjoy the day. First we went to the farmer's market, yay! It was really hot, though, and Emmett wasn't into it Saturday for some reason, so we moved pretty quick to get what we needed and get going. The plan was to take a bike ride in Golden Gate park and then hang out at the Children's Park and have a picnic lunch there. But the weather was awfully hot for bike riding and my energy level was just abysmal. I really wanted to do it, but was just worn out from all the emotional stuff. I can't take that stuff like I could when I was younger. It became a moot point because Emmett forgot the wrench to put the wheels back on my bike, so we ended up having to skip the bike ride. I was disappointed because I really felt the need to break out of my low energy mood and nothing helps that like the endorphin boost of doing some exercise. But we still had a great time. We laid out our blanket at the Children's Park, there were tons of people there to watch and chat with, and for Thomas to interact with. Unfortunately, he had not been feeling all that well, coming down with a cold, so his mood wasn't very good and he kept throwing these huge fits everytime he didn't get things his way. That's actually not like him, he's usually pretty good at being distracted from the fact that he didn't get one thing by being offered a different thing. For example, he wanted to ride on the carousel at the park, specifically the lion (they have all different animals, not just horses on this carousel). We didn't want to go at that point and so I said, 'not right now, Tommy, but lets take a ride on the slide. Do you want to go on the slide?' That usually works really well with him as it shifts his focus from the carousel to the slide and he will take off and forget all about the carousel. Not that day. He stayed focused on the carousel and had a HUGE fit when I picked him up and carried him away from the carousel. It was pretty much like that for the whole weekend, which was difficult. Even yesterday he was still doing it. So far today he seems to be back to his old self, but wow, it was really a test of patience. We did manage to have a good day of it. We brought the sun shade tent thingy that Emmett's mom bought for us and Tommy and I took a nap together in there, it felt good. There was a lot of noise, but some of that is balanced by the drummers over on Hippy Hill that are constantly playing, the rhythm of that sort of drowns out the other noises and helps lull you to sleep. We slept for an hour or so and then Emmett took Tommy to the carousel and I ate my lunch and read the newspaper for a while. After that we took turns helping Tommy to play on the play structures. It was a lot easier then because it was after 3pm and the fog was rolling in so it was MUCH cooler than it had been earlier in the day. The structures are all in the sand and it was so hot earlier in the day that it was hard to walk on the sand because it was so hot. I bet that happens in San Francisco about 3 times per year. It was fun. Emmett is fun to watch on those things because he is such a monkey!! :-) I hope Tommy can do as much on the play structures when he's older as Emmett can.

About 5pm we left the park and headed for home. I bought some bubble stuff on the way out of the park and when we got home we all hung out on the front porch and played with the bubbles. Tommy LOVES bubbles! He gets the biggest kick out of watching the bubbles go everywhere and then sometimes touching them. I tried to get him to blow some bubbles but he couldn't do it yet. Tommy went to bed early and by that time Emmett was cranky because he hadn't eaten enough, so we also ended up going to bed early.

Sunday morning was okay. We had more conversation about our family and it was hard, but we finally came to our resolutions, which was also hard, but a relief as well to at least manage to reach an agreement. I spent a couple of hours making a homemade chicken minestrone soup. I was really proud of it because there were no 'artificial' ingredients or processed ingredients. I used leftover chicken carcass to make chicken broth, and then cut up all the vegetables, fresh basil and rosemary. I made it for Monday night's dinner, since it takes a LONG time to make. The chicken broth is the most time consuming because you have to boil chicken, celery, onions and carrots (which I diced by hand) for 40 minutes and then strain it and let it cool until the fat congeals at the top so that you can remove it. I spent about 1 1/2 hours standing at the counter chopping and dicing all the veggies and herbs. But it was SO worth it! Now we have a rich, hearty SUPER healthy soup to eat on for most of the week and it only cost a few dollars. Emmett has really sold me on this way of doing things. You can eat so much better and healthier and spend so much less money, it's incredible. Almost everything in the soup was organic and it still only cost a few dollars to make. Maybe the total was between $8-$10 and we will have food for two dinners for the whole family, plus at least three more lunches. And I did most of the work while Tommy was napping, so it didn't take away from our family time.

For dinner on Saturday I made spaghetti which marinara and chicken apple sausage, which they make fresh at the market - damn, I love that stuff. It's pretty expensive, but worth it once it in a while. The dinner cost $10, fed all three of us and provided Emmett with lunch on Monday. As you can tell, I'm getting very interested in not only eating healthy, but now I'm trying really hard to put a dollar value on everything because I want to know what we are spending on food and what we can expect to spend on food, since it is a big part of our budget and we need to be able to plan for it. Sometimes, I get frustrated that I think the dinners are costing so much to make, but the value of the leftovers is often underrated. For a long time, it was because the leftovers were going to waste, but now that Emmett is taking them on a regular basis it is saving us an additional $5 in lunch cost, which ends up being huge over the long term. It all sounds crazy and sort of nitpicky, but is all very important if we are going to be in complete control of our finances and build some substantial savings.

We rounded out Sunday by watching another episode of Six Feet Under on DVD from Green Cine. I like that Emmett and I are doing this together. As much as I dislike television in general, it is nice to share something like that together, since we both enjoy it. Sunday is sort of traditionally our television watching night, sort of winds down the weekend. Don't think I will get Emmett to watch Sex and the City anytime soon, but hopefully we'll find other shows we enjoy together.

Monday morning we all had to get up and head to work, as I was working the day shift. After work I had a little bit of time before picking up Tommy so I checked out Ambassador Toys in the West Portal area. It's an awesome toy store, but gave me a little bit of sticker shock since I am so used to buying everything used. I did buy Tommy a little present, and plan to give it to him on Wednesday when I am off all day with him.

For dinner last night we ate my soup - it was delicious! Emmett said it was definitely in the top 5 things I've cooked, which made me feel very happy. Tommy was still in his horrible mood, so we had to grapple with that, be at least he actually ate some of the soup! That was great, because we sure do struggle to get him to eat fruits and veggies. He still would prefer to eat mostly bread, rice and pasta - oh yes, and crackers.

We were all pretty tired last night. Tommy went to bed a little bit early at 8:15 (as opposed to 8:30) and Emmett and I pretty much just hung out, read, and listened to music. We went to bed at 10, and I actually got 9 hours of sleep - yay! So today, now that I'm finished with the blog, I will head to the gym and try to swim a mile, then go to the grocery store to pick up some things, and finally, will put Tommy down for a nap before he goes to daycare at 3pm and I head off to work.

I will do my best to write again tomorrow, since we'll be home all day.

Love,
Melissa

Misc.

So I started to recap after that last entry, wrote a whole bunch of stuff down, and then it got lost before it could post - just disappeared into never neverland. I find that so unbearably frustrating. I MUST remember every time to save my writing in another program before I try to post my entries.

[Here is a funny side note. I just took a break from writing and was reading my friend Vicki's blog and noticed that she had written almost the exact same beginning, in the exact same words, in her blog - how strange!]

Basically I started out by updating on what's happening with Thomas these days. I'm not sure how much time I'll have - it's almost 8am now and I'm sure Thomas will be up in the next half an hour, so I'll have to be quick. We are planning to spend the day outside as the fog has finally lifted and we are actually seeing the sun. [I said to Emmett, "What is that thing in the sky? ? That bright shining orb that is blazing up there?? Is it a meteor? Is it an alien flashlight? What did you say - a SUN? What is that??? Ohhhhhh, yes, I think I remember now...I saw that once before, back in May, I think it was." haha - the joy of San Francisco summer. That old Mark Twain quote is such truth - "The coldest winter I ever spent was summer in San Francisco".] I would like to take Thomas to Golden Gate park this morning and then perhaps we'll think of something else fun to do this afternoon. Maybe I'll take him to the zoo - they have a new African exhibit that I think he'd enjoy.

Anyway, I was digressing. Thomas is continuing to progress rapidly in his development. We're not getting anywhere right now with potty training. He just doesn't seem interested at this point. Once in a while we will have a breakthrough and he will suddenly become aware of poopy and complain about it and act like he's starting to be interested in not having poopy pants, but then that goes away and he acts like he doesn't notice again. I think it's just too much for him right now - when I try to explain about the potty he just doesn't get it yet and I think that that frustrates him. I am absolutely unwilling to press the issue because my number one goal is to not allow potty training to become a contest of wills, which in this case I will surely lose. He is still not really counting either, although he seems to be interested in the concept of counting. I will count and he will point and say with the same cadence in speech "e" "i" "e" "i" "e", as though he is counting but refusing to use the actual language. It is very strange. He continues to be incredibly relentless when it comes to reading. I am very encouraged by this, but very mildly concerned about his inability to focus on the books if they are more than a few words in length. If you can't turn the page in about 2 seconds or less, he gets bored. I'm sure this is probably normal with a child this young, but still puts me on alert for ADHD since he has such a strong genetic leaning towards that [Emmett is ADHD and I still insist that I have ADD without the hyperactivity component (never actually been diagnosed)]. His vocabulary is getting crazy-big. He says new words every day and so many of them that I couldn't possibly keep track. A few sort of funny Tommy-isms: he says "buddy rattit" for bunny rabbit, "poon" for spoon (this always sparks his father's dirty mind and makes him laugh in that sort of beavis and butthead way), ummm let's see, I can't think of any other ones right now, but he is, in general, adorable. :-) His anunciation is slowly starting to get better, he has recently started consistently pronouncing his "l"'s and saying "lion", "laa laa", instead of "yion" and "ya ya". It is so funny the way that he tried so hard to pronounce the "L" that he overemphasizes it and sticks his tongue out very far.

[censored personal rant removed out of respect for others involved :-)]

Still haven't done any real recap. Maybe later, I've sort of burned myself out for the moment. It's 8:45 now and Thomas is probably awake so I better go tend to him.

Love,
Melissa

State of the Moment

It's funny. I've only been writing in the blog on a regular basis for a couple of weeks but it seems to have become such a habit to document what's happening that I find I really miss it when I can't blog for a long time. I think it kind of helps me to just let go of a day in general and look forward to what's going to happen next. A bit hard to articulate, but I'm really enjoying. The added motivation of knowing how much this means to my grandmother to be able to keep in touch with Tommy and our lives in this way (she lives in Florida, so I only get to see her a few times a year and it's hard for her to talk on the phone because she has hearing loss) makes it even more important to maintain.

And so...I haven't written in a week and I've been in total withdrawal. I've been blogging in my mind, trying to keep thoughts organized, but at this point it's pretty well impossible so I'll just recap the last nine days the best that I can and then get back on track this week.

I'm writing this on the night shift. I worked from 8am-4pm yesterday (Tuesday), went home for 8 hours, and came back at midnight to work till 8am. Sound crazy? I'm sure it does - but I couldn't resist. First, it was night registration which is MUCH easier than working as the night unit coordinator - pretty much 6 or 6 1/2 hours of web surfing and 1 1/2 to 2 hours of actual work. I can use the break and I was really looking forward to the opportunity to catch up on the blog. Additionally, this shift will pay $26 more than working day shift tomorrow would pay, so it's worth it. I'll catch up on sleep tomorrow. Hopefully I can get my ducks in a row early enough tomorrow to be able to pick up Thomas a little early from daycare so that I can spend some quality time with him. He's been really needy for his Momma lately and it makes me feel really bad to be working so much. My schedule lately has been pretty good for the family, but hasn't been so good for having one on one time with Thomas. The reason for this is that I've been working more during the week and less on the weekend. It's a good thing, I really love having the time for all three of us on the weekend, but it's definitely had an impact on my time with Thomas. Also, my efforts to go to the gym don't help either. When I work the evening shift (4pm-12am), we would normally have some time together, but when I go to the gym it really eats that time up. I don't know what the answer is. I have to work. It seems the demands on my income get greater and greater and we are still not really getting ahead. I also want very much to get in better shape and get some of this weight off because it makes me feel really bad about myself to be this big. But perhaps more important than anything I want to be a good mother to Thomas and give him what he needs, lots of time and attention and nurturing. It's so incredibly hard to balance the demands of the family (finances), the demands of Thomas, and still have a few hours left over for myself to go to the gym each week. I guess I'll just have to keep trying to work it out and maybe reallocate the time a little better.

The work situation is pretty much the same as always. I am still extremely interested in getting a position that will offer benefits but have pretty much decided not to go full time at my current job. Four days per week seems like too many right now. I am just not going to be able to manage 5 days per week. It's too much. This means that I will have to work a little harder to find something else. I am still saying a prayer that this job in OB will be a possibility, but if not, I need to start lining up some alternatives. It's tough to break out of the comfort zone, to be super motivated to find another job when the one I have is not bad. I really am getting to an age where I need to have reasonable medical coverage, I'd like to be sure I'm taken care of if I get sick, and I'd like to actually get paid for taking a vacation one of these days. Moreover, I know that the irregularity of my schedule really wears on Emmett since he's such a schedule guy. In the beginning it was one of the things that I liked about this job, but even I'm starting to get ready for a regular schedule so I can make plans from one week to the next.

I did get a 38 cent raise, which, while not dramatic, certainly helps. The good news is that it seems the raise will be retroactive to Jan. 1, which means we will get fairly large bonus checks for all those wages. Yay! That will help us to finance both our trip to Florida and maybe allow me to buy Emmett a birthday present this year.

I'm so glad now that we didn't end up moving. I think that knowing that we don't HAVE to move means that for the moment we should not move. We are discussing my education and there is a possibility we will move into a small apartment so that I can go to school without having to work so much. A lot of that may depend on what kind of job I end up with, we'll see. The nursing programs here are so impacted it's unbelievable. I know there is a very good possibility that it will get much worse and not better, but now I'm back to thinking I should go on and finish my BA and then work on the prerequisites for my nursing program. I went to add the microbiology class and there were more people trying to add than what were actually registered for the class. It was really unbelievable. The hallways were jam-packed for all the biology classes, you couldn't get near them. I found that to be pretty disheartening so I'm taking some time to reevaluate what direction I want to go in. Then, of course, there's the ongoing issue of what will happen with our family - to get married or not get married? To have another baby? Both? Neither? What about Emmett's law school? Does it make sense for me to finish up my BA and then have him go to law school and after he finishes that then I go to nursing school? So many questions, but not nearly so many answers right now. In time it will all come clear. For now I am going to try to get paperwork ready for both potential educational paths for me. Some of the education decision process definitely hinges on what is decided about another baby. If we decide to try for another one, then we will need to start preparing for that now and working in that direction, which means pressing forward with school, etc. If we decide not to have any more, then the only important thing for the next couple of years is staying focused on Thomas as much as possible and doing things that require me to be away from him the least amount possible if that makes sense. :-)

ahhh well, that's enough of this state of moment address. I'll start to do a little recap now...

Love,
Melissa

Tommy Meets Elmo!

To pick up where I left off...Sunday
Sunday morning Emmett and Desmond got up early to go and run the Firefighters 10K (6.2 miles) race at Golden Gate Park. The entrance fee benefits the city fire department, so that's a good thing. It sounded like a fun event - fairly low key for a San Francisco event, but still enough that the fire department probably made some cash from it. I was really pround of Emmett - he ran it in 41 minutes!

They got back and Emmett was in a positively foul mood due to hunger. I wish he would bring snacks everywhere he goes - he is a BEAR to deal with when he doesn't eat!! So, not wanting to deal with his mood, I went to bed and took a long nap. Of course, that made him even more cranky since I left him with Tommy duty AND trying to fix French toast for he and Des. Ohhhh well. I find that it's much better to remove myself from the situation rather than let it escalate into a full blown fight when he's in that mood.

I got up in time for us to get ready and head over the Bay Area Discovery Museum (http://www.badm.org - check it out, it's so cool!). It's a museum that designed especially for kids and it was so much fun! They have been running a special exhibit called 'Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?' and this weekend only they were having "Walk around Elmo". I thought Thomas would just love this so I was totally excited to take him. We went over and the first thing we found out was that you had to have separate tickets for the Elmo and they were already all sold out. Needless to say, I was SO disappointed. The web site didn't have ANY of this information and I had been looking forward to this for WEEKS!! I had even looked all over the web site to see if I could buy the tickets in advance, and if the Elmo visit needed separate tickets, but NOTHING was mentioned on the web site. Of course, I complained, and it was obvious that the people at the ticket window had been enduring abuse about this all weekend. They called the manager and it turns out that the 'walk around Elmo' was more like 'meet and greet Elmo' - think Santa Claus at the mall - he's sitting there and one by one the children get to come up and say hi. Apparently, Sesame Street had flown a special person in to make sure the museum didn't allow too many people to converge on Elmo at the same time. The museum didn't know about all of this in advance, that's why it wasn't on the web site. Poor planning, if you ask me. But - what can you do? As a consolation, the manager said we could go in the back door with Thomas so that he could see Elmo, but he couldn't go up and greet him. It is a tribute to my inexperience with children that I thought this was a good idea. We stook in the back and Thomas was shouting "Elmo! Elmo! Elmo!" and squirming like crazy trying to get out of his Dad's arm, REACHING for the Elmo, and then crying when we wouldn't let him get any closer to the Elmo. It broke my heart completely. I felt like a total failure as a Mom that I didn't get this together properly when I knew about it so far in advance and there were all those perfect, beautiful skinny Marin mothers and all their children getting to meet Elmo. Stupid, but sometimes these things just hit you the wrong way at the wrong time. So as Emmett removed our hysterical child from the room, I just totally broke down. The manager heard Tommy and then saw me crying and took pity on us and gave me a ticket. It was like someone had handed me a winning lottery ticket. I felt very embarrassed and stupid about the crying and the whole incident - but hey, if it we were going to meet Elmo, I was willing to take it. Anything to make my little boy happy (it's a good thing his Dad is there to keep me from spoiling him ROTTEN!). I ran to catch up with Emmett and Thomas and we got into the line to meet the Elmo. It was a long line and pretty difficult. Another thing that they did poorly was having Elmo in this room with the line snaking back and forth, but no screen or anything to block the Elmo - so every kid in the room could see Elmo but had to wait their turn. Have you ever tried to explain to a two year old that he has to wait for a half hour before he can see his hero??? [They could stand to take some hints from the mall Santa - they almost always make the line in such a way that children can't see the Santa until the last minute.] It was a complete mayhem of screaming children thrashing like crazy and frazzled parents trying to physically restrain their children from bum rushing Elmo. The noise level was enough to damage hearing. We waited for about a half hour total and I think both Emmett and I were exhausted from taking turns holding Tommy back and then the other one trying to distract him with songs, words, food, ANYTHING. Tommy was easier to manage than the child in front of us whom I thought was going to have an aneurysm if he had to wait 30 more seconds. When that child's parents finally let him go, he raced to Elmo so fast and was hugging him and smiling - the pictures must have been incredible. He was smiling and laughing and just so happy. We were not so fortunate. When it was Tommy's turn he ran to the Elmo and then got about 5 feet away and realized how HUGE the Elmo was - bigger even than Mommy and Daddy - and stopped dead. He started sliding sideways trying to get away from the Elmo. Elmo's assistant was trying to get Tommy to go and say hi but he was having none of it. Emmett and I took him up to sit next to Elmo and he was willing to do that, but he was definitely not sure about the whole thing. The good news was that just getting to go up and get close seemed to satisfy him. He didn't cry this time when we went to leave. We also got some *okay* pictures of the whole event [http://www.thomasnolan.com/photos/081504].

After the Elmo visit, we went around to some of the other exhibits. The Sesame Street exhibit was pretty cool, lots of cool facts and display items from the early years of Sesame Street (which is now 35 years old, can you believe it?). They had a cool camera exhibit where you could sit in a chair and the camera would show you on TV with one of the characters (you could choose from 3 or 4 of them). It was cool and I took some pictures of Emmett and Tommy that looked like they were on TV with Elmo. They also had Big Bird's nest - or at least a replica where the children could sit inside and play. There were two computer games set up so kids could play this Sesame Street video game. And then in the very back there was a projection screen that was playing excerpts from Sesame Street episodes of days past. Overall, the exhibit was a little bit old for Tommy. The main thing that he liked was the projection screen and he watched that for quite a while. When they had on various celebrities singing with the characters he got down from his chair and was dancing around. So cute.

We went from there to the toddler area. They have a special area just for kids under 42 inches. The idea is that they won't get pushed around by older kids. They had all kinds of stuff outdoors, a teepee looking thing, and a bunch of other small play structure things made of natural materials. Then there was this stream thing with all these rubber fish in it for the kids to play with and splash in. It was about 2 feet off the ground, perfect height for a toddler to play in without being able to actually crawl into and get completely soaked. They even had these little aprons so that the kids wouldn't get their clothes too wet. Thomas REALLY enjoyed this. He grabbed the rubber fish and splashed as much as he could in the water. Then we went to the indoor stuff. The toddler area had two indoor rooms. The first had a water theme. There were three circular waterbed type things in the corners - they were decorated ponds with lily pads on the top. The 'matresses' were super thick (presumably puncture proof). Thomas hated this - too scary and unstable for him. Neither Emmett or I could convince him to play on the waterbed. There was an exhibit in the middle of the floor that had this long cylinders at the bottom of which were rubber frogs. When you pushed a button on the floor the frogs would let a bubble escape from their mouths. Tommy LOVED that! He kept stepping on the button and yelling "Bubbles! Bubbles!" He was so excited to be able to make the bubbles. He also liked these big buttons they had on the wall with a picture of a pond animal on them and when you pressed the button it made noises like the pictured animal. He kept pressing over and over again. The thing I liked the most was this tunnel that was made out of clear plastic. Water was POURING down on either side and on top of the tunnel. It was like being under a HUGE waterfall in a plastic barrel. You could see and hear the water rushing everywhere but, of course, you weren't getting wet. Thomas was a little afraid of this at first, but once he warmed up to it you couldn't get him out of there! The only downside was that he actually bullied this other child. I was pretty surprised because he's usually pretty reasonable with other kids, having been in daycare and all that. But he grabbed this other child by the front of his shirt and was pushing him up against the wall. This really scared the other child and, although Emmett got them separated pretty quickly, the other kid was crying for a while and I felt really bad. Strange. We spent a little bit of time in the other room. It wasn't as cool, but also not nearly as many people, so almost like having the place to ourselves. There were these pads in the floor that you could step on with different textures - one simulated grass, the other was little rubbery spikes, and the third was gel-like substance very squishy and fun (can you tell which was my favorite? haha). There was also a climbing structure that looked pretty cool and all kinds of dress up costumes of different animals and a bunch of stuffed animals. Tommy got especially enamored of this stuffed fox, but that was pretty much the only thing he really liked at that exhibit.

By the time we did all that it was 5pm, time for the museum to close and us to go home, which was good because we were all STARVING. I made spaghetti with smoked chicken sausage and broccoli for dinner and we all ate like we hadn't had a meal in a week. Afterwards it was time for Tommy's bath and bed. Emmett and I rounded out the evening by watching more Olympics coverage. He likes the swimming, I like the gymnastics, so it works out pretty well.

Another weekend ends and another week begins....:-)

Love,
Melissa

High heeled shoes, stuffed bears and Organic groceries

Well, another weekend has come and gone. Like Steve Miller says, "Time keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin, into the future...". I'm on a little bit of borrowed time here because Thomas has already been up once this morning and will probably be up again very soon.

Three days to recap...but not overly eventfuly days, so that should be okay. Friday I got called in early to work, so instead of working 4p-12a, I ended up working 1pm-11pm. I spent some time in the morning with Thomas, trying to make the best of what was going to be a very short day. But it was good, it's so entertaining to watch him learning so much right now. I'm still working on the name thing, he's still not quite there yet. He'll repeat after me when I say that his name is "Tommy" or "TJ", but he doesn't yet seem to make the connection to the word 'name'. We are, however, making some progress on other fronts. He finally has stopped calling stuffed bears, 'doggie's. He surprised Emmett this weekend by pointing and saying, 'bear'. So he's learning fast these days. It's so much fun, but kind of scary too. Before you know it this whole phase will be over and he'll be a walking, talking little boy. It just goes by too fast!

I was upstairs getting dressed on Friday and Thomas put on my heels and starting walking around everywhere in them. It was quite impressive! He was having a hard time not keeling over, but he actually did it. He walked all over the bedroo and then into the bathroom, all the while tottering around in my shoes. I wish I'd gotten a picture!

Another thing we've been working on is colors. He has a book on colors and I've been reading it to him and pointing out the colors of things. I think he's starting to understand the color red. Last night we had spaghetti with smoked sausage for dinner. Of course, Tommy didn't eat any of the sausage, but he LOVES spaghetti with tomato sauce. Anyway, I was trying to feed him some pasta after he had finished his [when he held out his bowl and yelled, "More!" "More!"], and the pasta I had on the fork was plain. He pointed to the pasta on my plate and said 'red' as if to tell me he wanted some of the pasta with the sauce on it.

Speaking of last night's dinner, Emmett and I had another conversation about Thomas's weight. Emmett had come to the conclusion that if we feed Thomas healthy food and make sure he gets plenty of exercise, the rest is best left to nature. If, after those things are in place, Thomas ends up still being a little bit chunky, it's okay because it would just be his natural state. Some people are just not built to be slender. I know that there are some people who would jump all over this, but I was so relieved that Emmett said that because I think that acceptence is so important. It will help Thomas's self-esteem to NEVER feel that he is less of a person because he's not as slender as his father. Of course we *hope* that with proper eating and plenty of exercise he will be a healthy weight, there certainly is a family predisposition for obesity and I don't want to get insane about it to the point where his self esteem suffers.

Now to get back to the recap...Friday ended up with a lot of rushing around. I had to go to the store to get the stuff for Emmett's Olympic party - he was inviting some people over to watch the opening ceremonies. I rushed home and dropped off the groceries and ran to Olga's since she wanted us to be there by 12:30pm so that we wouldn't wake up the other children when we came in. I got to work a few minutes after 1pm. It was a long, boring day. Not too much exciting. I couple of people with bad cases of metastatic cancer, so sad. One of them was only 33!! It makes me so grateful that I at least have my health.

We also got two calls on Friday regarding housing. The first was our landlord calling to tell us he's decided to refinance rather than sell. The second was about the other house - we didn't get it. All's well that ends well. Now is really not the time to move if we don't have to. We need to work more on saving some money and paying off some bills before we worry about the expense of moving. Still, I was a little bit sad and disappointed - I really loved that house in Woodside. Perhaps next year we'll be more prepared and something will come available. We can revisit the idea then.

Emmett's Olympic party was a total flop. He'd only invited our neighbors, his sister and her husband and his father. Well, his sister wasn't feeling up to it since she's due to give birth any day now, the neighbors cancelled because they had plans to go visit family, and his father never called and never showed. So Emmett had an Olympic party for one. I felt bad for him, but I felt worse about the fact that we had spent $50 on groceries for it. Right now we are being so incredibly careful with our money and trying so hard to save that $50 is a lot of money to just go "poof". The stuff we bought wasn't even stuff that we could use elsewhere - chips, beer, general snack type stuff and none of us eat snacks. So pretty much entirely wasted. Ah, well. Life goes on.

Saturday morning I went to the farmers market. God, that place is so amazing. I literally was weighted down with as much as I could possibly carry. I bought a TON of apples, pears, grapes, nectarines, a huge melon, peaches, fresh basil, potatoes, onions, leeks, two loaves of boutique bread, eggs, peppers, tomatoes, and I'm sure more that I can't think of - all ORGANIC - for $28. When I compare that the puny box of food I was getting for $25 from that delivery service - ug, it's sick. This was just an incredible amount of food. Plus, it definitely helps us to eat healthier when we have all these fresh fruits and veggies in the house. After that I went to Trader Joe's to get cheese and few other misc. items. Next up was Rainbow market for the bulk food items, sugar, organic oatmeal, organic Cheerios, and Emmett's crackers. Last stop was Whole Foods, I went there to get the things that I absolutely couldn't find anywhere else. Whole Foods is just such an incredible rip off [in my opinion]. I did manage to get 6 cans of tuna fish and a whole Rosie's chicken [not organic, but still much higher quality and safer than your average Safeway chicken] and spent about $12. All in all, I was happy with what I'd accomplished. Emmett eats enough for two adults these days, and I still managed to get food for the three of us for $72 for the week. AND mostly all organic. I know I probably sound a little snotty about the 'all organic, all the time' philosophy, but I feel really good about making sure our family gets high quality food, that's a very high priority for me.

The rest of Saturday was dedicated to just hanging out and watching the Olympics. It was pretty boring, but I guess not every weekend can be packed with activity. It was an exercise for Thomas in learning boundaries. He was definitely testing his and we were both working with him to learn them. He got lots of corrections, time-outs, and even a few swats on the hand. He IS starting to listen, though. He's learning that when I say "come here" and start counting, that he'd better get his little buns over there. Which is a very good thing, I think. Emmett's friend Desmond came over in the evening, had dinner with us (I made burritos), watched the Olympics and spent the night. It was good to see him, it's been a while, and we all had fun cringing while we were watching the gymnastics - afraid the gymnasts would blow their routine.

Finally, we all went to bed, we had a bigger day planned for Sunday....

...to be continued...

Love,
Melissa

"Help" and Counting

To pick up where yesterday's blog left off...
After I finished the entry yesterday, Emmett's sister Tasha called and wanted to know if I wanted to go for a walk. She is due on the 16th and wanted to try to induce her labor by walking. [Just got off the phone with her a few minutes ago and she is probably going to be induced tomorrow.] So I dashed around, got my shower, got ready and Thomas and I went for a walk with her. Timmy and Leo are in Sacramento with Lionel's mother so that Lionel and Tash will have some time once the baby is born. Emmett had suggested Candlestick point, so we went over there. It was pretty cool, I hadn't been over there before. It's small, but has nice trails and most of them are right on the bay, which, of course, I loved. I'm thinking of going over there and running once in a while. The weather is perfect because it's much warmer than the west side of the city but it is incredibly windy so it stays at a great temperature for exercising. There are definitely some interesting characters there, but I don't worry so much about that in broad daylight.

After the walk Tash went with me to Tower Market so that I could get a few items so that I could make dinner. I made a new recipe: Greek lamb burgers in pita with yogurt sauce, cucumbers, lettuce and tomato. It was pretty good, but the garlic was a bit overwhelming in the sauce. The burgers were delicious - you mix up Greek seasoning, ground lamb, lemon zest, minced garlic, plain yogurt, and chopped mint for the patties. I got the recipe from Family Circle, it sounded yummy so I decided to try it. I made mashed potatoes for a side dish, which was pretty much all that Thomas ate, since he won't eat meat. Over dinner, Emmett and I got into an argument about city vs. suburbs. It wasn't a serious argument, but it put sort of a damper on our evening.

We put Thomas to bed together, although Emmett did most of the work. I've been really tired lately. I think I need to diet less and exercise more. That and stop working nights and make sure I get enough sleep at night. [I did finally get the courage today to get on the scale so at least I will have a starting point.] We went to bed very early so that I could get a reasonable nap before leaving for my night shift. I was still upset about our argument, so I wasn't sleeping well and heard the phone ring downstairs. I elbowed Emmett to get up and get it since it could have been Tasha calling because she was in labor. He didn't and the person left a message, so I went downstairs to see if it was her. It turns out it was the person calling about that house near Woodside. They had some questions and wanted some clarifications about some things on our application. I was really surprised. I was so sure that we didn't get the place and now it looks like we are still being considered. We'll see. After that, I was totally wound up and couldn't back to sleep.

My night at work was really difficult. I was SO tired, but I drank a whole bunch of coffee when I got there, so I was a wreck. My body was overstimulated by I was exhausted - kind of felt like I didn't know if I was coming or going. I was lucky it was a slow night. My eyes were red and burning I was so tired. By the time I got off work this morning I had been awake for 25 hours straight. Brutal.

I came home and tried to call the house people, but they weren't home so I left a message and faxed them a letter to answer the questions they had posed. After that, I laid down on the couch and slept for awhile, but I think I was overtired. My body is just wrecked, doesn't know whether to be awake or asleep at this point. Also the housing thing has me way more stressed than it should. Emmett keeps saying at this point there is no decision to be made since we have not been accepted at the house in Woodside, but I guess I have a hard time not getting ahead of myself. In the meantime, our current landlord called and they are going to do an appraisal of the house. He says "for now" they are thinking of refinancing. Which I suppose is good news, at least we won't be out on the street. But the insecurity is uncomfortable and this whole housing thing is making me nuts. I have to try to let it go and just accept that whatever happens, happens. It will be okay.

I got up at 2pm, but I was feeling incredibly low energy so I pretty much just hung out on the couch until the boys got home. Emmett was in a hurry to get changed, go for a run and then head out for "happy hour" with his friends.

Since they got home at 6pm and Thomas goes to bed at 8:30pm, I focused my attention entirely on him for that 2 1/2 hours and we had a really good time. I worry that he is so anxious all the time to watch tv. I've not been letting him watch very much, but he's always at me to turn the tv on. However, I was able to divert him by asking him if he wanted to read. That got his attention. We went through several books. I am trying to work with him on counting since I felt bad that he seemed to be the only child [in his age group] at Nico's party that couldn't count to 5 or 6. I have a book that has pictures and numbers and I went through and pointed at the pictures and counted out each item to try and give him the idea. Here is the thing - I think he actually is counting but doesn't understand the words associated with it. At the six, for example, it shows 6 balloons. I pointed to each balloon and counted each of them. After I was done he pointed to each balloon, EXACTLY in the same order, and with the same speech patterns that I used, but instead of using the correct words he said "e" "i""e""i""e""i". It's bizarre and I know this doesn't adequately describe it, but I think in some way he is counting, but in a sort of musical way, like a metronome, and not getting the idea of accumulation. We'll see, but it is interesting to watch him. Maybe he just has the perfect binary mind and is going to be a computer genius hahaha. I am fascinated trying to figure out how his mind works and how he processes things - will it be more like Emmett or more like me? We process thing so differently.

After the reading we had dinner. I ate some leftovers from last night and made gnocchi with tomato alfredo sauce for Tommy. He loved the sauce but hated the gnocchi, so he would put them in his mouth until all the sauce was off and then he would spit them back out on his tray. His eating habits frustrate me - besides not eating all the things I wish he would eat, his table manners are still appalling at an age where I feel like he should be beginning to act like a human being at the dinner table and not end up entirely covered in his food. He tore off his bib and got the tomato sauce all over his shirt, I hope it doesn't stain too badly. As little as I pay for his clothes I try to worry about such trivial things, but it would be very embarassing to have him eat like that in public. I think I'm going to have to be a little bit more strict on him in general. When Tash and I were in the grocery store yesterday he was a little devil, shrieking and grabbing things off the shelves and throwing them on the floor. I was really embarassed. But it's so clear that he's testing me because when I get angry and either yell, threaten him, or slap his hand lightly, he stops what he's doing right away and wants to hug. He's so funny the way he hates when you are mad at him and wants to make it better. He will cling to me and want to hug and kiss me when he knows I'm mad, but when I ask for hugs and kisses otherwise he will laugh and say no. All of this is to say that I need to pay a little closer attention right now to setting firm boundaries and keeping them.

We took a bath after dinner. I enjoy this so much, generally, but I was pretty tired tonight. I wonder when he will be too big to take a bath with Mommy? Emmett asks when I'm going to stop being naked in front of him and I know that I will at some point, but I'm not sure when that will be. I guess I just don't think nakedness is that big of a deal. For now, he gets really excited when he sees me undress because he knows he's probably going to get to take a bath. It's pretty funny. We played in the tub for quite a while, I showed him how I can go under water, but he didn't want to try it. I want him to learn how to hold his breath and go underwater for swimming, but I don't want to scare him, so I just let it go. I am also working with him to be able to answer when people ask him what his name is. So far he seems to like to answer "TJ" best, so maybe that's what he will decide to be called. It's funny that you can ask him how old he is and he will say "two" every time, but has no idea what you are talking about when you ask him his name.

After his bath we went upstairs, got him ready for bed, read a couple of books and he went to sleep. When we were reading he was trying to do something and he would say "up","up" like he does when he wants to get into or out of his highchair or when he wants to be picked up. I couldn't understand why he was saying it, though, because I was sitting on the floor so there was no "up" or "down". All of a sudden I realized that all this time he hasn't been saying "up", he's been saying "Help"!!! When I thought about it more, I realized that that's definitely what he's been saying all along. I kept thinking it was him that he didn't quite understand what "up" really was when it was ME that didn't understand!!! It was like a breakthrough in communication and I am so happy. But it sort of broke my heart a little that he's been saying "help" for about six months and I wasn't getting it. Well, to be fair, I DO usually help him, but I wasn't understanding him. Anyway, I do understand now and it gives me a different perspective on it. I am trying really hard to understand him, but his annunciation is still pretty bad. I'll just have to keep trying. :-)

After he lays down in his crib, he starts sucking on his bottle [I know, I have to break him of this, I think he's getting closer to being ready and we will try perhaps over the weekend to remove the bottle from the nighttime routine], I pull the blanket up over him and say goodnight to him and he always waves to me. That's my cue that it's okay for me to leave, he's ready to sleep. So sweet. God, I love that boy so much.

So now I better go. I want to get some dishes done before I head off to sleep. No word again on the hill house - arrgghhh how frustrating. I hope I finally get caught up on sleep tonight, I'd like to get to the gym tomorrow, I have been skipping out this week and I need to keep going if I'm going to see any real progress.

Take care,
Love,
Melissa

All work and no play....

Well, I probably should just skip this entry - it seems nothing particularly interesting happened yesterday. But here goes....

We never did hear anything on that house in the hills - it makes me angry that the woman didn't even have the courtesy to call us after we went through the time to fill out the application and fax it to her, it seems the least she could do was call and tell us she chose someone else. Why don't people treat others with just a little more common decency?

Yesterday after I FINALLY got my entry done, I was rushing around trying to get Thomas ready to go to the gym and finally decided to heck with it, I'd go to the gym today and just relax and not be rushing him and getting impatient with him because I know I've got to be at work at 4pm. After that things went much more smoothly. We went up to his room and read a huge stack of books, he is INSATIABLE with reading!! I'm so excited about that! It's in the genes - my Grandpa loved to read, my Mom and Uncle Sonny are big readers and so I am (when there's enough time to breathe). Actually, Emmetts a pretty big reader, too, even if he usually gets bored and doesn't get around to finishing the books he starts. Anyway, Thomas just kept getting book after book. It's so funny because he walks over, picks up a book, walks back over, plops down in my lap and says "I read" (errr, I think I already explained this in another entry) - BUT, if I don't take the book right away he will pick up my hand and wrap it around the book - it's so cute.

So we read alot and then he was ready for his nap. I ran around like a maniac getting everything together to leave for work. I started 4 auctions on EBay, responded to a couple of emails, took my shower, did two loads of laundry, sorted through some of Thomas's clothes, put away the dishes, cooked food for my dinner at work and got dressed, before waking Thomas up, changing his stinky diaper and rushing us both out the door. Whew...it's tough going to work the 4pm shift. But it does have it's advantages - only $24 in daycare, I do get to spend some time during the day with him when he's at his best, I get some time to be productive while he's napping, and $2/hour shift differential. The downside of course is not getting to be home in the evening with both the boys. :-( But working a combination of evenings and nights or days would work out okay, I think. I wish so much that they would reconsider letting me work at 80%, but if they did I'm sure several people would want it before me.

Last night at work was crazy, it was quite busy and someone called in sick so I was by myself in registration. I worked my tushie off! I was so wound up when I got home that I couldn't go to bed until 1:30am and I had to get up this morning at 7:30 so I could have some time to get my head together before the boy got up. I'm pretty tired today but at least I'm not going back to work until 12am and then I will be in registration which is much more mellow at night than working as unit coordinator. Hopefully I'll get a chance for a nap before work.

One other thing that made me chuckle was yesterdays reminder of how Emmett was raised so unconventionally and with so many different influences and ideas. I was telling him this awful story about this 27 year old patient that was dying from metastatic colon cancer and he said, quite casually but seriously, "wow, she must have really had some bad karma left over from a previous lifetime." Not exactly what I was expecting from my Catholic boyfriend, but then one of the things I love about him is the study in contrasts and that comment was such an illustration of that.

Well, that's about it.

Love,
Melissa

Not much time today

Hi,
Not much time to write today - Emmett was trying so hard to get all this stuff done around the house this morning and was clanging around so much that he woke up both Thomas and I at 7:30am, so there really isn't much time to recap yesterday. Which I suppose is okay because it was not a particularly exceptional day. I didn't realize how quickly I'd become accustmomed to having that little bit of time to myself until this morning, I feel already to frazzled and it's not even 10:30 yet.

I went home yesterday and faxed in the application for that house in Woodside. The landowner never called me back, which wasn't a big surprise, but I DO feel that it is extremely rude. If someone takes the time to fill out all of that personal and financial information the very least you can do is show enough respect to pick up the phone and call. Even if we are not teachers at Stanford, we are human beings and deserve to be treated with respect. Ahhh well, maybe it's just my own insecurities and self esteem talking. Shake it off, Melissa, shake it off. At least there wasn't an application fee, so we haven't lost anything.

After faxing over the application, I went to sleep for a while on the couch. I was so tired, I probably should have just went upstairs, but I find that I don't sleep so long on the couch and I wanted to get up early and work on those Ebay ads before the boys got home. That didn't happen because although I did wake up at 2pm, I was still really tired so I ended up just talking to my Mom for a really long time and then getting up to cook dinner. I made chicken legs, which I simmered in onions, apple juice and curry. It wasn't bad, but I think I used a little too much apple juice and not enough curry. With that we had rice and sauteed zucchini (sp?). It was pretty good for a thrown together meal. I MUST go grocery shopping on Wednesday, we are getting really low on groceries again. The chicken legs were of the cheap Safeway variety and there sure is a difference between those and the organic ones, the cheap ones are so much more fatty. I do think the organic chicken is worth every cent, both from a taste standpoint and also from feeling good about the ethics involved. I know that we are on a budget, but buying cheap groceries is just not an option, we will have to figure out another way to save money.

After dinner Thomas and I took a bath. It was fun, I enjoy that time with him, and he seems to enjoy it too. We played a game together of dumping water on each other's heads, this helps me to get his hair washed and rinsed. We also practiced his kicking in the water to get a leg up, so to speak, on his swimming lessons.

After that we went upstairs and I read several of this books to him. I love this so much, him sitting in my lap for so long. I love that child so much that it hurts inside sometimes. He was really tired and so he went to sleep a little bit early.

Emmett and I watched another episode of Six Feet Under, our latest dvd from Green Cine. After that was over, I went to bed, I was really tired.

Not a very exciting day, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. :-)


Love,
Melissa

Another Weekend Over

Hi,
Well, it's Monday again. Today I'm really sleepy because I'm still at work from the night shift. I didn't sleep well at all on Saturday night and felt really tired most of the day on Sunday. Last night I took a nap before work and was in such a dead sleep when the alarm went off at 11pm that I didn't even know where I was. It took me until almost 11:30 to get awake enough and oriented enough to get up and go to work. Anyway, it's been a long night and I can't wait to get home and get to bed. Before I sleep I need to fax over our application and cover letter for the house in Woodside. Pretty sure it's not going to happen, but it doesn't cost us anything to at least try (more on that later). I'm going to try to get up early today and start sorting through all Thomas's clothes and various household items and start auctioning everything off on Ebay. That's pretty much going to take the rest of the day.

Now to recap the weekend. It was an okay weekend, all things considered. After I wrote on Saturday I went upstairs to get Thomas up and spent a little bit of time with him before heading off to work at 11am. I got two pleasant surprises at work on Saturday - the first was that I was training someone, which meant that I didn't have to do all that much except watch over her and make sure she did everything right. The second pleasant part was that it was relatively slow. I came in prepared for the 12 shift from hell and instead had a pretty pleasant day. It was nice to have someone with me at the desk to chat with. It gets lonely working back there because no one really hangs out and chats all that much. A little over halfway through my shift I looked up and Thomas and Emmett were there! They had been playing at the Children's Park at Golden Gate Park and Emmett decided that I would enjoy getting to see Thomas for a few minutes before they went home (and also, truth be told, getting a chance to show off my baby boy to all my coworkers!). So we walked around for about 10 minutes and then I went back in to finish up my shift. It was absolutely amazing how much that picked me up and just made the rest of my night. I love both of those boys so much.

Emmett waited up for me Saturday night and we watched the end of Mystic River together and talked for a while. Neither of us slept very well Saturday night and we were both wide awake at 7am on Sunday. We got up and hung out for awhile reading and talking, it was very relaxing. Then Thomas got up and I spent some time with him in his room reading to him - he LOVES that! He goes and pulls a book off the shelf and hands it to me and says, "I read". Then he turns around and plunks himself down in my lap so that I can read to him. Since we stopped nursing it's hard to have any real cuddling time with Thomas. He's very affectionate with hugs and kisses, but always briefly and then he goes on with his usual busy-ness. But with reading I get to be so close to him, it's so wonderful to be able to have my baby in my arms while I read to him, very comforting for both of us, I think. Sometimes if I don't take the book from him right away he will grab my hand and put it on the edge of the book - it's so cute! He's so determined and learning how to be insistent about getting his wants and needs across. He's a good kid most of the time.

After that, Emmett made a big, yummy Sunday breakfast with eggs and hash brown, mmmmmmmm. He makes the best hashbrowns - he shreds the potatoes by hand - I hate that job because I always nick my fingers on the shredder, so it's a special treat when he makes them for me.

We had to put Thomas down for his nap early because we were leaving the house at 1:15 to go look at the house in Woodside before Nico's birthday party. While Tommy slept we hung out on the deck a little more - the weather was gorgeous! Sunny and warm! Wow!!

We got ready and ran out of the house for the appointment in such a hurry at the end that we both forgot major things. I forgot the wrapping for Nico's present. Emmett forgot that his car has a tendency to overheat in warm weather while driving uphill. We need to get that fixed, but he's been driving so little and such short distances in cool weather that it hasn't happened in a long time and I think we forget in between. We should have taken my car, but force of habit just made us take his. We ended up being a little bit late for our appointment because of having to stop before the car overheated.

The house was awesome!!

[ As I was originally writing this entry, my shift at work was over, I saved at this point as a draft and went home to finish it later. When I wrote the rest from home and tried to save and publish it it seemed that the second part got lost by the blog program and I needed to rewrite everything. So I did, only to discover that the first verion had NOT been lost after all. So - I decided to just include both writings. What follows here is both versions.]

PART TWO, VERSION ONE:

It was so much larger than the one we have now and the environment is so nice, so peaceful. [It reminds me of the lake house that way. The kind of place that you go home and just let the stresses of life fall a way, like your own personal sanctuary or oasis. Unfortunately, the timing isn't great and I think it's doubtful that we will move there, but it definitely motivated me to expand my housing searches. I'm also very encouraged that Emmett liked the house because he's such a city kid.

After the house we went to Nico's birthday party. The party was in Bol park in Palo Alto - a great place for a kids party. There was a herd of sheep (is herd the right word?) and some goats there which was cool for the kids, although I think a little intimidating for some of them. There was also a large play structure there that was a lot of fun for the kids. Zuz did some amazing decorative food items - palm trees from carrots and green peppers, a bowl of hummus made from squash in the shape of a dinosaur - and the most amazing cake in four or five parts, decorated with cookies and candy in the shape of a train. It was awesome and I was envious - I never knew Zuz was such a Martha Stewart! I'm always a little intimidated by Zuz's Mom friends, so I was really nervous, but it helped that Emmett went this year. He was very comforting. We didn't stay too long because we didn't really know anyone and I think Thomas is a little more, let's say exuberant, than the other kids, and also he was a little tired I think because of his short nap.

We got home and Emmett asked for an hour to himself to watch the baseball game and unwind a bit without having to watch Thomas, so I took Thomas upstairs, read to him for a while, and then caught up on some phone calls while he played with his toys. Emmett made dinner and we ate, put Thomas to bed, and then Emmett and I sat on the couch and listened to some music for a while together. We haven't done that in a long time and it was so relaxing. We went to bed early. Well, Emmett went to bed early and I took a nap before my night shift. The alarm went off at 11pm and I was so deep in sleep that I didn't know where I was or what the ?!? that noise was. I didn't get oriented until 11:30pm, yikes! It was a long night and I was sooooo tired! But now it's over and time to go home and get in bed!

Love,
Melissa

PART TWO, VERSION TWO:

It reminds me of the lake house. The kind of place where you can just relax and let go of the stresses of life, like your own personal sanctuay or oasis. We loved the place so much, but I think the timing is just not right, we're not ready for a big move like that right now. Besides which, there was someone else going through the house right after us that seemed to really hit it off right away with the landowner (I think he was teaching at Stanford), so we both kind of felt like we didn't have a chance. We will still apply, but neither of us feels very optimisitic. That's okay, because, as I said, it would be such a huge move to try to go from living in the city to way out there in such a short time without even mentally preparing.

After the house we went to Nico's birthday party. It was at Bol Park in Palo Alto, a great location for a child's party. I wasn't clear on whether the goats and sheep that were there were part of the park or whether Zuz and Bryan had actually hired them, but it was fun for the kids to see these animals. Thomas thought the big sheep was a lion, and I heard another child make the same mistake. It was funny - they are at an age where they are starting to look at books and learn things, but sometimes seeing them in real life is confusing and seems to be kind of hard to assimilate. Two is such an amazing age because the language and communication is just starting to come together, putting labels on objects and being able to recognize things.

There was also a big play structure right next to Zuz's picnic spot, the kids really enjoyed that. It was great that Emmett came with us this time. I'm always intimidated by Zuz's friends and I was so nervous. This year was even harder than last year because this year Thomas is so much more interactive and yet he is very different from the other children there, much more high energy and more exuberant, like his parents, I'd say. Emmett and I both wondered later on if that's nature or nurture. One of the little girls was afraid of Thomas because of his energy and impulsivenes, which made me feel really bad and a bit uncomfortable. (I know that he needs to keep some of that impulsiveness in check and control the impulses, but he's so little still). I look at the other kids and wonder if this is a bad thing or a good thing. One cannot argue that these parents have achieved greater success than Emmett and I have, at least in terms of education and financial security. But still there is a part of me that delights in Thomas's energy and enthusiasm. I don't know, and I guess that wondering sort of made me feel bad inside, and afraid that I'm encouraging him to have what I perceive as joie de vivre when this may distract him and thus prevent him from achieving more financial stability and educational goals than he would if he were more like these children. Also, one cannot argue that Thomas was a bit behind these kids in language development. I don't know what their exact ages were, but all the children seemed to be able to count to 5 or 6 and Thomas is nowhere near that yet. It wasn't a dramatic difference, but again, enough to make me feel a little bit bad and a little bit uncomfortable. Emmett was great at comforting and believes strongly that Thomas will be fine, I guess I worry too much. Nothing has ever mattered to me as much as doing the right thing for Thomas and so I'm terrified that I'm not going to do the right thing. It doesn't help that I haven't achieved what I'd hoped for myself in this life, so that makes me feel right away that we are operating at a deficit.

We didn't stay too long at the party, we were all sort of tired and drained. We came home and Emmett asked for a little time to himself, so I took Thomas upstairs and read to him for a while, then caught up on some phone calls while he played with his toys. Emmett made dinner, we ate, and then both put Thomas to sleep. Afterward Emmett and I put on some Kate Wolf music and sat on together quietly on the couch and listened for awhile. It was so comforting and relaxing and peaceful. We went to bed early. Well, Emmett went to bed early and I took a nap before my night shift. When the alarm went off at 11pm, I was so disoriented that I had no idea where I was or WHAT that noise was! It took me a half hour to get oriented I was so deep in sleep, but I did eventually get up and get to work. It was a long night and I was soooo sleepy, but it's finally over and now I'm going to head off to bed!

Good night,
Melissa

Lessons

Parenting is a wonderful challenge, but definitely a challenge. Lately, Thomas has been making the hugest messes throwing his food off of his high chair. Yesterday I was running around like crazy trying to get the house picked up before Marc came over for the "home inspection" and left Thomas in his high chair with his breakfast watching Elmo. Big mistake. When I came back into the room, there was oatmeal absolutely EVERYWHERE. I almost had a stroke. It took me quite some time to pick up all that sticky gooey oatmeal. I guess that's what I get for using the oatmeal and the TV as babysitters. :-)

Emmett has been having the same problem with Thomas throwing food from his highchair and has been working with him to explain that that is unacceptable. He claims to be making some progress, which is great.

I made it back to the gym yesterday -YAY!! My workout felt good. The only hard part was that Tommy didn't want to be left in childwatch yesterday which made me sad for him. I felt so bad leaving him there, but finally one of the staff members distracted him and he seemed okay, so I went on and worked out. When I got back they said he had a lot of fun playing with a stuffed Elmo and dancing around. I think they got a big kick out of him. His dancing is absolutely adorable, I must say. I told him to say goodbye to Elmo that we had to go, but that I had some crackers he could eat in the car. He didn't want to leave the Elmo and got his pouty face on and looked like he was going to cry, it nearly broke my heart. I finally talked him into leaving it without throwing a fit, which was great. The next accomplishment was managing to get all the way home from San Mateo without him falling asleep in the car because I've learned this week that if he falls asleep in the car on the way home and I have to move him upstairs and wake him up, he will not be able to get back to sleep. So I sang to him and fed him crackers and a snack bar all the way home to keep him entertained. He went right to sleep when we got home and got a little more than an hour nap before we had to go to Olga's, so, all in all, I'd call it a very successful day. The house looks good because of the clean up and I finally got Thomas's toys put away and his room clean, so this day was, I'd say a 7, which is much better than the 4s and 5s I've been having lately. :-)

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to spend a little bit of time with my boys before I have to work a 12 hour shift from 11am-11pm today. Yuck!! But I REALLY can't complain, I cannot believe that on the next schedule I'm only working 1 weekend day!!! Amazing!! YAY

I'm taking tomorrow off. Have a good weekend.

Love
Melissa

Trip to the Palo Alto Children's Zoo

I think I need a 12 step program. I'm not kidding. EBay is taking over my life! I've been able to manage my addiction and justify it before because I could tell myself that Emmett was spending more than I was, but now that he's being so careful [which is wonderful] it's making me want to walk the line. I think what I need to do is get as obsessive about selling things as I am about buying and raise some funds. Maybe I could make an internal deal with myself that I can spend whatever I make selling off various items around this house. Or how about spending half of what I make selling things, that way The other caveat is that I need to be really dilligent about getting to the post office twice a week. I can't believe what used children's clothes are selling for on Ebay these days. It's absurd. I must make it a TOP priority to spend several hours next week sorting and listing Tommy's old clothes. Then I can justify buying him the new fall clothes that I want him to have that are way too expensive for me to buy out of our household budget. :-) So far I've been able to stop myself, but the pull to buy is very strong. Anyway, please excuse this long digression. I'm typing my thoughts out rather than writing anything interesting. C'mon, Melissa, FOCUS!

So yesterday was a reasonable day. Work was long and boring, I wish sometimes that I was more engaged in what I'm doing, but then I have to remind myself that that was why I chose this job, so that my primary energy would be spent taking care of Thomas and working with him. The good part about my job has always been that when your shift is over you walk out the door and there's no more thought about work until five minutes before you begin the next shift. And that has some definite advantages. The unfortunate side effect is profound boredom. Ahhh well, as someone once told me, there are always trade-offs.

I almost forgot the best part of yesterday! Thomas and I went to see Zuz and Nico. It's always such a good time going to see them, I sometimes wish we lived closer so it would be easier to see them more often now that the boys are getting a bit older. Nico is such a sweet boy, much softer spoken than Thomas and I always worry that Thomas's extreme energy is going to overpower Nico, but they seem to do well with each other. I was VERY impressed with Nico's language skills. I think his vocabulary is a little larger than Thomas's, but it's really hard to tell in such a short period of time. The main thing that I noticed is that Nico's annunciation is so much clearer. I have discovered something interesting (and I think good) about myself as a Mother through these interactions. I do not feel competitive about my child. In other words, I don't feel threatened by Nico's better language skills. I just feel like Thomas will get there sooner or later and it's no big deal. On the other hand, I definitely have a complex about being able to provide as much for my child as other Moms do. I've accepted the fact that I'm a working Mom, but when I go to other Mom's houses I find myself looking around to see what they have for their childs enjoyment and comfort and comparing everything. It drives me crazy because I know logically that it's not about how many *things* Thomas has, but somehow if I go somewhere and that child has more toys and stuff than Thomas, that makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. It's ridiculous and I'm trying to overcome it, but it's there.

Anyhow - Zuz and I took the boys to the Palo Alto Children's Zoo and they seemed to have a really good time. Nico fell down and bumped his head, poor guy, so I don't think he had as good of a time as Thomas did. Thomas loved the owl and, although he thought at first that it was a kitty, he did understand after I told him that it was an owl. He really loved the bunnies - there were two of them, a small gray one that was hopping around everywhere and also a big white one that was just kind of sitting there. There were lots of geese and ducks and I tried to teach Tommy the difference, but no luck. He didn't have much interest in the bat house or the snakes. He LOVED the raccoon. He kept pulling me towards that enclosure and saying "coon, coon". It was a lot of fun. An added bonus is that whenever Thomas is with Zuz and Nico he will eat ANYTHING. So I took the opportunity to feed him some melon - and he chowed it down. Zuz fed him some pizza with veggies on it that he seemed to like also. It's good when he eats a lot of healthy food.

We will see Zuz and Nico again this weekend at Nico's birthday party. It should be fun and hopefully I'll remember to bring the camera this time!

Well, better run. Gotta get ready for work

Love,
Melissa

New Doctor for Tommy

I'm going to TRY to keep this short today - I've been in a really rough mood lately and I think stress is starting to have physical manifestations - I've been getting headaches again and yesterday I couldn't not remember or focus on ANYTHING. I forgot to roast the chicken for last night's dinner until 5:15pm, it was just good luck that it turned out the chicken only needed 1 hour to cook and not the 2-3 hours that I was thinking it did, or we would have been having dinner at midnight. Anyway, I hate making these entries negative because the truth is that life is pretty darn okay and I don't want to let the day-to-day stresses color the picture at this time. Overall, I am so very fortunate and feel blessed. I have my family, we're all healthy, and I have my [almost,haha] perfect little boy who is growing by leaps and bounds virtually every day, so what right to have to grouse about the the little stuff? I just need to get myself together - I feel like my head is in a fog this week and I'm having a really tough time coping. I really hope I can shake this off and refocus my energy. I think going back to work will help enormously. I called in sick yesterday and that probably was not the right thing to do.

Anyway, Thomas and I had a doctor's appt. yesterday with his new doctor, Dr. Haskin. Dr. Haskin works out of St.Luke's hospital. My timing was terrible yesterday - I noticed that Emmett had left his car in the street sweeping zone and was going to acquire a $35 parking ticket, but he had the keys with him at work. So I drove downtown to get the keys, but it took 20 minutes longer than I had planned, and then getting back took longer so we ended up being 30 minutes late to Thomas's doctor appt [which meant that by the time we got out of the appt., Emmett's car had already been ticketed, making the entire trip pointless, can you see my frustration?!?]. Anyway the doctor is older than Methuselah, but that has its advantages. For one thing, he takes his time, which is incredibly rare in doctors today. And the second thing is that he prefers to deal with healthy children, which makes me think that should something unusual come up he will not be resistant to abdicating Tom's care to a specialist. In any case, it was really nice to be working with someone who has more of an old-fashioned approach to patient care and takes the time to really work with his patients. He also does everything himself and doesn't have a nurse/medical assistant do everything and then breeze in and out in under 5 minutes like most doctors these days. All in all, I was happy with the care we received. We have another appt with a different doctor in Sept. and I think I will keep that appt so that I have more of a comparison, but I have to admit I'm happy to be away from that doctors office in Laurel Heights which was crowded, impersonal, and full of cell-phone toting, nanny-abusing, uptight "power Moms" that I couldn't relate to even if they got off their cell phones in the waiting room long enough to say "hi" to me or even interact with their own children. Wow, that sounded venemous, didn't it? :-) Anyway, the new office is much better, and the only other Mom that was waiting was really nice and the service felt extremely personal. I was happy. Thomas was like a wild man, though. He was running all over the place and wrestling with this stuffed lion like he was in the WWF or something. Grandma Hazlet would have been proud! haha It was fun, but he sure was a handful. I had to physically restrain him in my lap while I was talking to the doctor and he was flailing around and screaming the whole time. It was like someone shot a load of caffeine into his morning oatmeal or something. Afterwards I took him to the Salvation Army to do some shopping, and it was more of the same. He was running all over the store like a maniac. At one point he was running from me at full tilt and managed to trip over his own feet, fall down, and scrape his little nose on the carpet. It barely even slowed him down. We went to the shoe section and I was trying to find some cool boots, he was pulling the shoes off the shelves left and right, at one point putting on these adult shoes and clomping all around in them, it was really cute. Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore and so we left. I did manage to get him a new Gap sweatshirt though for $1.60 which made me pretty happy. You pay at least $10 for those things on Ebay -USED!!!!

The rest of the day was just so-so. I need to get my head together and try to refocus my energy.

Bye for now.
Love,
Melissa

Another hit to the team

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm going to be Hercules someday, I swear it. haha
I hate to sound negative, but I suppose this is as good a sounding board as any. I just feel worn out and tired of fighting against all the stress. I suppose yesterdays stresser shouldn't be that big of a deal in the grand scheme, but it sure felt (and continues to feel) like a huge blow. It seems our landlord is considering selling our house. I *know* that we'll find something else and that everything will work out okay in the end, but it just feels so awful, like there's nothing in my life that I can count on to be stable anymore. I guess it's sort of a twist and irony that I once ran like hell away from anything that represented stability, wanting excitement, but jeez, that was half a decade ago and now I have a child to care for and I want to give him a stable and secure environment to start life in and three different homes in the first 2 years of his life is not exactly what I had in mind. I guess we're just going to take things as they come and deal with one thing at a time. Hopefully they will make a decision in the next month or so and by that time I'll have figured out my job situation and feel more able to consider a move. I don't know. This whole thing happened at 2:30pm yesterday just as I was trying to get ready and go to work, and it really threw me for a loop. I was 45 minutes late to work and then I was too upset to stay. I just couldn't be sharp enough for the demands of the ER yesterday. It was everything I could do to keep from crying at any given moment. Finally, one of my coworkers took pity on me and agreed to come in so that I could go home and I left at 7:45 last night. So I only ended up working a total of 3 hours. Ohhh well, I still feel pretty raw and now we have an inspection on Friday so I'm not sure if I'll end up going in today or not. I haven't called in sick in a long time so I think it will be okay. I need to get away, do something to undo this knot in my stomach that just won't go away. I have started getting stress headaches and feel like I'm at the end of my rope. It feels good to get all of this out. I know I'll be okay, but some days I get tired of fighting the good fight.

Prior to that disaster yesterday things were going okay. I had a GREAT workout at the gym, Thomas really enjoyed himself at childwatch, and afterwards we managed to get some errands done like getting the dog's food and flea meds and also getting me fitted for a new pair of running shoes. I've been eating a little bit better, but still too much food, especially now with the working out so I will need to work on appetite control.

Thomas had an okay day yesterday - the only problem with the gym workouts is that it means that he's in childwatch for an hour and then some days later on in daycare for another few hours which makes me feel bad, but I'm working so much right now that it would be really hard to only work out on days that I'm not working to avoid that situation. I think the answer is just to focus on making sure I spend a little bit more time with him one on one each day. I've been trying to be really good in the mornings about taking my time through the waking up process. The first thing he always wants to do is read his "Goodnight Moon" book, which is a little backwards, but hey, who am I to tell him he can't do things backwards? haha Anyway, I read his book to him and then he seems ready to have his diaper changed (really must do more work on potty training) and after that I can entice him downstairs by telling him Elmo is going to be on. One thing about Thomas that amazes me (I almost forgot to mention this) is that he is so much easier about letting go of things than I expect him to be. When he has a toy and I tell him he has to leave it, most times he will just set it down and wave "bye bye". It's really strange. I noticed it this morning with the book that he was carrying around - when it was time to go downstairs I said you have to leave the book up here, that's an upstairs book. And he set the book down and said, "bye bye book". I was pretty surprised. Yesterday at childwatch it was the same thing. They have these rubbery animal figures and Thomas LOVES the lions (or 'yions' as he calls them). He was carrying them everywhere with him and went for them as soon as he walked in the door yesterday. When I came to pick him up he was ready to go and ran for the door, but he still had the lions. So I said, "no, you have to leave the lions here. They can't go home with us." And he set the lions down and said "bye bye yions". It really pulled at my heartstrings. He can be such a devil at times and then such a little angel at others. I guess that's just being a normal kid.

Well, better run, 10 more minutes before Teletubbies is over (we haven't done as well the last two days with eliminating the TV watching, but at least we're down to 45 minutes of screen time per day) and I need to put some clothes on so we can get moving.

Love and hugs,
Melissa

Socializing

Yesterday was a good day. Not tooo much to report, but a busy, non-eventful day. I have started getting up early (before Emmett leaves for work) and trying to have some time to myself then so that when Thomas gets up I won't feel like I have to put him in front of the TV for a while to get some time to wake up. It works out well - yesterday we were TV-free for the WHOLE DAY!! Yay!
Thomas and I went to the Y yesterday for my workout, but I got behind schedule somehow yesterday morning and so we were really late getting there. Thomas had refused to eat his breakfast because I'm so stupid and gave him a bottle of juice&water when he got up, so he wasn't hungry. Of course by the time we got to the Y and I started my workout he was STARVING! So about 1/2 hour into my workout I hear over the loudspeaker "Melissa Nolan to childwatch please" - it took a while to register that they meant me, but when I got there, his eyes were red and he looked really unhappy. I felt bad that I hadn't brought him any snacks or anything, so stupid, but by the time we were actually getting out of the house I started rushing around and completely forgot. The long and short is that we got out of there and came home so I could give him so lunch and put him down for his nap.
While he was napping I called on that other job and had a good conversation with the hiring manager. I feel encouraged. I don't want to let all my eggs fall in that basket and I'm trying really hard not to feel that if this doesn't work out it will be a disaster, but I REALLY want this job. I'm going to pray like crazy, it can't hurt.
I did get some housework down yesterday and then Deb came over for dinner which was nice. It was good to see her, it had been a while. She seems to be doing very well and I'm happy about that- she's had a tough year. We talked alot about plans and life and it was good to have adult conversation and just get away for an evening. After our dinner here (Emmett's AMAZING spaghetti sauce mmmmmmmmmmmm), she and I walked down to the Thai restaurant and had a delicious dessert.

Thomas is doing so well, really enjoys being read to and is getting very good and making his wishes known and demanding attention. It's good. He's learned the word "devil" and seems to enjoy saying just a little too much haha.

Well, I gotta run, the baby is awake and Emmett's waiting to use this computer to prepare for his morning meeting.

Love,
Melissa

Love is in the air

Long term relationships are mostly cyclic in nature, which is a San Francisco way of saying that all relationships have ups and downs, and right now Emmett and I are happily experiencing an up time, which is a relief because the stresses of day to day living can tear at the fabric of any relationship. Ours is no exception. This "up" period made for another great weekend. Sometimes I wish we could have weekend for at least a week at a time...oh yeah, they call that "vacation". I almost forgot. Maybe someday. Anyway, ahhhh hemmm, I need to stay focused here. It's almost 8:30am and that boy will be up in just a few short moments and I'll be running all day with no more time for writing.

Friday I did a test run of working 12 hours during the day and I thought it went very well. I worked 8am - 8pm and it was fine. 12 hours of work, no lack of sleep and still home in time for dinner (albeit a late dinner). God, I sure hope I can land a job where that is the schedule.

The only downside was that Thomas was already in bed when I got home so I didn't get to say goodnight to him, but that would have to change if I were doing this on any kind of regular basis. Emmett had already eaten dinner, so I got some soup out for myself and watched "Under the Tuscan Sun", which I had been wanting to see for ages. It was totally not what I was expecting. It is not a love story and is definitely not something I'd recommend seeing with a guy - this is the very definition of a "chick flick". I really liked it - it was a great message about overcoming life's disappointments and seemed very realistic in it's depictions of what life is like post-divorce (or post break up) for many women. I'd define it as a "female empowerment" movie. It's not particularly realistic, but I still really liked it. Emmett didn't like it so much (duh) and spent most of the time typing up his shopping list on the laptop.

On Saturday we all got up reasonably early to do all of our weekly grocery shopping. The first place we went was to the Alemany Farmer's Market, and all I have to say is - Oh....My.....God. That place is so incredible and amazing! I should have remembered from the times my Dad and I used to go to the farmer's market in Detroit how much fun it is, but somehow over the years I had forgotten. It was so much fun and so incredibly cheap! I was so encouraged that as long as we can keep our budget reasonably on track we can really get more and more committed to an organic lifestyle. We spent $43 at the farmers market and the amount of food we got was incredible. And that number was increased by the fact that we bought things like flowers (for $10 I was able to create a beautiful and huge bouquet of roses, lavender, and sunflowers, it's GORGEOUS!). We bought some delicious local honey, and two $4 loaves of bread that are the most amazing bread I think I've ever eaten. Oh yes, and a huge GALLON of unfiltered organic apple juice. Not to mention TONS of fresh fruit and vegetables, all organic (no yucky pesticides or genetic modifications in our food, no sir! :-)). The only thing that continues to be slightly disappointing is the corn. There is nothing here like Michigan corn. I had to laugh - we stopped at the organic corn stand and I decided to pick out three ears of organic corn (for $1) and Emmett says to me, "you have to peel the green back and look to see if it's good". I shot him a look and said, "are you kidding? I KNOW how to pick out corn." We both got a laugh out of that. I didn't grow up in the midwest and not know how to pick corn. Cars and corn. That's what I learned about growing up in Detroit haha.

After the Farmer's market we went to Berkeley Bowl, a grocery store in Berkeley that is extremely popular here for being cheap and having good, high quality food (grass fed beef and organics in particular). I have to say that on my first trip to BB I was amazed at all the good, cheap produce but had thought that the rest of the stuff was only so-so. It's a great store, but I don't think worth the bother of going over the bridge and then having to sit in traffic to get back. My attitude was probably a bit tainted by getting into an argument with this guy in the store. Thomas and I were hanging out in the produce section while Emmett was running around getting all the things on his list. The store was extremely crowded and noisy and I think it must have been overstimulating Thomas because he kept shrieking in a loud and ear-splitting kind of way. I had been telling him "no" and trying to get him to stop, to no avail. I finally decided that I would just try to distract him by playing a patty-cake type of game with him. So there we were in the produce section playing this game and Thomas lets out an eardrum-shattering shriek. I start to ignore it continue with our game because any reaction I might have is only going to make him think that he got a reaction out of me. Well this guy shouts at me from about 15 yards away - "DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM TO DO THAT!!", yelling this at me. Now this is an incredibly crowded grocery store, so now there are about a dozen head turned our way and needless to say I'm terribly embarrassed and enraged. I shout back at him "DON'T TELL ME HOW TO PARENT MY CHILD!" I didn't hear what he said after that because of the blood rushing in my ears from the embarrassment, adrenaline and anger, but I said then "What would YOU like for me to do???!!?? " I mean did he expect me to start beating on Thomas right there in the grocery store? Anyway, he turned away and the moment was over, but, needless to say, my good mood was definitely gone. A couple of minutes later when Emmett returned we saw him again and I noticed he didn't say anything at all to me when Emmett was around. Much easier to pick on a woman alone with a child. What a jerk. I pointed him out to Emmett and he was going to go up to the man and say "I heard that you have a problem with the way that my son is behaving", but we decided to just let it go, finish up and get the heck out of there.

We got home around 1pm, got the groceries unloaded, Emmett's mother arrived and Emmett and I got ready to go out on a little "date". A lady came by and bought some of my surplus baby clothes, which was nice to get a little $$ for them. Emmett and I went to the Metreon, went to the bar and got a drink and talked for a while and then went to see the "Manchurian Candidate". Great movie! We really enjoyed it. We rushed back to the house to relieve Kathleen so that she could go to the baseball game and we played with Thomas for a while, watched the game on tv, and split a bottle of wine. It was fun and relaxing. We were going to go to a party after Kathleen got back, but I was just sort of wiped out by the long day and decided to stay home. Emmett left about 10pm and I waited up for Kathleen, since she was taking the bus home that late at night. Once she was home safely, I went up to bed. Emmett woke me at 3am when he got home and we talked for a bit before heading off to dreamland.

Sunday was spent totally hanging out at home and cooking. The weather has been really bad, that's why we were in all weekend. Emmett made an incredible spaghetti sauce that I CANNOT wait to have for dinner tonight. I made broiled halibut, persian rice and steamed broccoli for dinner. MMmmm mmmmm. I was delicious. I took a nap midway through the day for like 2 hours, it was awesome. Oh and in the morning Emmett stopped at Lido's on his way to the store and brought me home a fresh-baked pastry. It was mouth-watering! (All this talk about food - how am I ever going to lose any weight? haha The answer is lots of exercise and I'm going to really have to watch carefully during the week. I MUST get this extra weight off!!!)

There was lots of time for playing with Thomas on Sunday and that was cool. He's really into reading right now and will bring you a book and say "I read". It's really cool because he's usually so high strung, hyper and impatient that he never focuses on anything for very long, but he will sit in your lap and seems to really enjoy being read to. I take this as a very encouraging sign. Another amazing breakthrough that Emmett witnessed this weekend was Thomas learning how to microwave. This is not a good thing - but still an interesting display of intelligence. He had his water and he said, "I heat water in microwave" - yes, he said 'microwave', a big word for such a little boy. Then he put his bottle in the microwave and pushed the 'one minute' button and then waited about 20 seconds or so, took his bottle out and walked away drinking it. He's such an amazing kid. Nana brought him a little indoor tent, a sort of fort thing, and he loves it but he wants us to go in it with him and it's pretty small for either Emmett or I. It's funny to see us trying to cram ourselves into the thing to play with him. All three of us had fun putting on Emmett's Simon and Garfunkel CD and dancing around the living room.

Another good weekend over and now on to the rest of the week...

Love,
Melissa