"Help" and Counting

To pick up where yesterday's blog left off...
After I finished the entry yesterday, Emmett's sister Tasha called and wanted to know if I wanted to go for a walk. She is due on the 16th and wanted to try to induce her labor by walking. [Just got off the phone with her a few minutes ago and she is probably going to be induced tomorrow.] So I dashed around, got my shower, got ready and Thomas and I went for a walk with her. Timmy and Leo are in Sacramento with Lionel's mother so that Lionel and Tash will have some time once the baby is born. Emmett had suggested Candlestick point, so we went over there. It was pretty cool, I hadn't been over there before. It's small, but has nice trails and most of them are right on the bay, which, of course, I loved. I'm thinking of going over there and running once in a while. The weather is perfect because it's much warmer than the west side of the city but it is incredibly windy so it stays at a great temperature for exercising. There are definitely some interesting characters there, but I don't worry so much about that in broad daylight.

After the walk Tash went with me to Tower Market so that I could get a few items so that I could make dinner. I made a new recipe: Greek lamb burgers in pita with yogurt sauce, cucumbers, lettuce and tomato. It was pretty good, but the garlic was a bit overwhelming in the sauce. The burgers were delicious - you mix up Greek seasoning, ground lamb, lemon zest, minced garlic, plain yogurt, and chopped mint for the patties. I got the recipe from Family Circle, it sounded yummy so I decided to try it. I made mashed potatoes for a side dish, which was pretty much all that Thomas ate, since he won't eat meat. Over dinner, Emmett and I got into an argument about city vs. suburbs. It wasn't a serious argument, but it put sort of a damper on our evening.

We put Thomas to bed together, although Emmett did most of the work. I've been really tired lately. I think I need to diet less and exercise more. That and stop working nights and make sure I get enough sleep at night. [I did finally get the courage today to get on the scale so at least I will have a starting point.] We went to bed very early so that I could get a reasonable nap before leaving for my night shift. I was still upset about our argument, so I wasn't sleeping well and heard the phone ring downstairs. I elbowed Emmett to get up and get it since it could have been Tasha calling because she was in labor. He didn't and the person left a message, so I went downstairs to see if it was her. It turns out it was the person calling about that house near Woodside. They had some questions and wanted some clarifications about some things on our application. I was really surprised. I was so sure that we didn't get the place and now it looks like we are still being considered. We'll see. After that, I was totally wound up and couldn't back to sleep.

My night at work was really difficult. I was SO tired, but I drank a whole bunch of coffee when I got there, so I was a wreck. My body was overstimulated by I was exhausted - kind of felt like I didn't know if I was coming or going. I was lucky it was a slow night. My eyes were red and burning I was so tired. By the time I got off work this morning I had been awake for 25 hours straight. Brutal.

I came home and tried to call the house people, but they weren't home so I left a message and faxed them a letter to answer the questions they had posed. After that, I laid down on the couch and slept for awhile, but I think I was overtired. My body is just wrecked, doesn't know whether to be awake or asleep at this point. Also the housing thing has me way more stressed than it should. Emmett keeps saying at this point there is no decision to be made since we have not been accepted at the house in Woodside, but I guess I have a hard time not getting ahead of myself. In the meantime, our current landlord called and they are going to do an appraisal of the house. He says "for now" they are thinking of refinancing. Which I suppose is good news, at least we won't be out on the street. But the insecurity is uncomfortable and this whole housing thing is making me nuts. I have to try to let it go and just accept that whatever happens, happens. It will be okay.

I got up at 2pm, but I was feeling incredibly low energy so I pretty much just hung out on the couch until the boys got home. Emmett was in a hurry to get changed, go for a run and then head out for "happy hour" with his friends.

Since they got home at 6pm and Thomas goes to bed at 8:30pm, I focused my attention entirely on him for that 2 1/2 hours and we had a really good time. I worry that he is so anxious all the time to watch tv. I've not been letting him watch very much, but he's always at me to turn the tv on. However, I was able to divert him by asking him if he wanted to read. That got his attention. We went through several books. I am trying to work with him on counting since I felt bad that he seemed to be the only child [in his age group] at Nico's party that couldn't count to 5 or 6. I have a book that has pictures and numbers and I went through and pointed at the pictures and counted out each item to try and give him the idea. Here is the thing - I think he actually is counting but doesn't understand the words associated with it. At the six, for example, it shows 6 balloons. I pointed to each balloon and counted each of them. After I was done he pointed to each balloon, EXACTLY in the same order, and with the same speech patterns that I used, but instead of using the correct words he said "e" "i""e""i""e""i". It's bizarre and I know this doesn't adequately describe it, but I think in some way he is counting, but in a sort of musical way, like a metronome, and not getting the idea of accumulation. We'll see, but it is interesting to watch him. Maybe he just has the perfect binary mind and is going to be a computer genius hahaha. I am fascinated trying to figure out how his mind works and how he processes things - will it be more like Emmett or more like me? We process thing so differently.

After the reading we had dinner. I ate some leftovers from last night and made gnocchi with tomato alfredo sauce for Tommy. He loved the sauce but hated the gnocchi, so he would put them in his mouth until all the sauce was off and then he would spit them back out on his tray. His eating habits frustrate me - besides not eating all the things I wish he would eat, his table manners are still appalling at an age where I feel like he should be beginning to act like a human being at the dinner table and not end up entirely covered in his food. He tore off his bib and got the tomato sauce all over his shirt, I hope it doesn't stain too badly. As little as I pay for his clothes I try to worry about such trivial things, but it would be very embarassing to have him eat like that in public. I think I'm going to have to be a little bit more strict on him in general. When Tash and I were in the grocery store yesterday he was a little devil, shrieking and grabbing things off the shelves and throwing them on the floor. I was really embarassed. But it's so clear that he's testing me because when I get angry and either yell, threaten him, or slap his hand lightly, he stops what he's doing right away and wants to hug. He's so funny the way he hates when you are mad at him and wants to make it better. He will cling to me and want to hug and kiss me when he knows I'm mad, but when I ask for hugs and kisses otherwise he will laugh and say no. All of this is to say that I need to pay a little closer attention right now to setting firm boundaries and keeping them.

We took a bath after dinner. I enjoy this so much, generally, but I was pretty tired tonight. I wonder when he will be too big to take a bath with Mommy? Emmett asks when I'm going to stop being naked in front of him and I know that I will at some point, but I'm not sure when that will be. I guess I just don't think nakedness is that big of a deal. For now, he gets really excited when he sees me undress because he knows he's probably going to get to take a bath. It's pretty funny. We played in the tub for quite a while, I showed him how I can go under water, but he didn't want to try it. I want him to learn how to hold his breath and go underwater for swimming, but I don't want to scare him, so I just let it go. I am also working with him to be able to answer when people ask him what his name is. So far he seems to like to answer "TJ" best, so maybe that's what he will decide to be called. It's funny that you can ask him how old he is and he will say "two" every time, but has no idea what you are talking about when you ask him his name.

After his bath we went upstairs, got him ready for bed, read a couple of books and he went to sleep. When we were reading he was trying to do something and he would say "up","up" like he does when he wants to get into or out of his highchair or when he wants to be picked up. I couldn't understand why he was saying it, though, because I was sitting on the floor so there was no "up" or "down". All of a sudden I realized that all this time he hasn't been saying "up", he's been saying "Help"!!! When I thought about it more, I realized that that's definitely what he's been saying all along. I kept thinking it was him that he didn't quite understand what "up" really was when it was ME that didn't understand!!! It was like a breakthrough in communication and I am so happy. But it sort of broke my heart a little that he's been saying "help" for about six months and I wasn't getting it. Well, to be fair, I DO usually help him, but I wasn't understanding him. Anyway, I do understand now and it gives me a different perspective on it. I am trying really hard to understand him, but his annunciation is still pretty bad. I'll just have to keep trying. :-)

After he lays down in his crib, he starts sucking on his bottle [I know, I have to break him of this, I think he's getting closer to being ready and we will try perhaps over the weekend to remove the bottle from the nighttime routine], I pull the blanket up over him and say goodnight to him and he always waves to me. That's my cue that it's okay for me to leave, he's ready to sleep. So sweet. God, I love that boy so much.

So now I better go. I want to get some dishes done before I head off to sleep. No word again on the hill house - arrgghhh how frustrating. I hope I finally get caught up on sleep tonight, I'd like to get to the gym tomorrow, I have been skipping out this week and I need to keep going if I'm going to see any real progress.

Take care,
Love,
Melissa